主题：【转载】Universal Truths -- 喜欢就捧捧场

Universal Truths

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die

what would happen if you were revived afterward?

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

Consider the situation where the toilet paper ran out when you have a diarrhea and just finished with you business....

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

Yesterday was history, tomorrow is mystery, today is a gift, that’s why it’s called present.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

Good idea, though comedians might disagree.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Same analogy to answer the multichoice question when you have absolutely no clue about it.

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

Not to me, I type.

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Are there any new comers in your neighborhood?

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I bet you work for Newspaper.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Amnesia sucks.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

Try marriage.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. (right about… now.)

Can you make any demands when you goof around?

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

Yeah, right. But maybe after 3D.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

Don’t take it personal, it does it to us all.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

Means I will never buy this-ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

Imagine the guy called back after you called without leaving message, you answered immediately, he says: “sorry wrong number.” And you rushed out from washroom to answer his first call.

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

They do keep your phone number for the same purpose.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it. Some songs strike me like that too!

When I first time watched porn, I thought they were wrestling.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I just want million dollars.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

Ever tried to kiss a hot girl beside you?

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

Depends on the content.

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an ass from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

I don’t think pilots give a damn.

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

"We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."

Jude