主题：【翻译】与一个IPHONER的对话 -- 坐看风起云涌时

(意译，与原文并不完全相同)

A: 嘿，你丫预定了一个Iphone4.

B: 是啊，倍儿灵光的一款手机。

A: 不错啊，你拿它都忙些啥？下载游戏？

B: 不，我在找补丁修复它得天线问题。

A: 拉倒吧，那是硬件问题，软件顶个鸟用。

B: 你才拉倒吧，IPHONE的软件那才叫牛差，牛差，你丫懂吗？

A: 嗯? 那在你买之前，你是知道这个天线问题了？

B: 早就知道得明明白白的，Steve Job说了，5000多人反馈了意见，都说是个好玩艺，另外只有0.55%的人胡嘞嘞地抱怨。你知道不，三周买了300万台，神迹啊！是神迹!

A: 5000人说好，对300万来说也只有0.16%。如果说抱怨率是准确的，那么会有16万5千人会表示不满意，这个难道不是一个坏消息。

B: 倒，你难道不知道Job先生已经告诉我们应该咋整了。听好了，用你的右手拿起手机，竖起大拇指，一切都“安拉”。

A: 右手，我比较习惯用左手打手机。

B: 我开始也是用左手打手机，现在我已经彻底地改成右手了。记住Job已经教导我们，什么才是正确地打手机方式。

A: 按照你的意思，Steve Job先生实际上是承认Iphone4是有问题的？

B: 扯，简直是扯，怎么可能有问题，Job先生已经告诉我们什么是正确的打手机姿势，通过训练，掌握正确的打手机方式真那么困难？但是考虑到人的智力有差别，苹果还是仁慈地把练习时间延长到9月30日。

A: 啊！30号以后呢？

B: 2个月，如果你还不能掌握正确的握手机方式，那就歇菜吧，改打座机。

A:如果需要个安全套才能打手机，估计你说的这帮弱智也一样搞杂的。

B: 什么意思？带苹果logo的安全套？跟手机有啥关系？反正，Iphone4太神奇了，其他的手机都是垃圾。

A: 但是无论如何，那些垃圾收机可以正常通话啊！

B: 通话？只有2*B才用手机打电话，真正的Iphoner只需要在StarBuck坐着，掏出Iphone，重点不是你想看点啥，重点是让周围的人看看你和你的Iphone，你丫知道这是怎样的心情吗？我酷顾我在，你丫懂吗？懂吗？

A: 你丫已经彻底2了。

B: 2？不是2，是4，是Iphone4。我得走了，去苹果店拿我的Iphone4, 今天Job会有个新视频在网上，我要用我的Iphone4去观赏。这是必须的。

A: hey, is that the new iphone 4?

B: yes, it is the best smartphone ever!

A: I see, I see. What are you doing with it? Downloading some games?

B: No, I am looking for an App to fix the antenna issue.

A: But I heard that is a hardware issue, an App can't fix it.

B: Iphone has an App for everything, EVERYTHING!!!

A: O.........K.....??? But do you know about the issue before you buy the phone?

B: Yes, Steve Job said more than 5000 people review it as a great phone, and only 0.55% of users complain about the antenna issue. Not only that, it had sold 3million units in 3 weeks. It is magical.

A: So on the other word, only 0.16% of users said it is a great phone, and over 16,500 users complain about the antenna issue. Does that sounds kind of bad?

B: Yes, because you didn't say it the way Mr.Job did. And it is not a really big problem anyways. As long as you hold the phone with your right hand with thumb up on the side and rest of the fingers above the gaps, you will be fine.

A: But I am a right handed person, I normally hold the phone with my left hand.

B: I was a right handed before I bought the iphone4, then I switch to left handed to use it. But now, Mr.Job is giving out free dumper for everyone who refuse to hold the phone the right way.

A: So Steve Job admit there is a problem with the iphone4?

B: NO!! There isn't a problem, most people just holding it WRONG. Mr. Job is giving out free dumper so dumb people can practice holding phones the RIGHT WAY until September 30th.

A: What about after September 30th?

B: If it takes you more than 2 months to practice holding a phone then you blow it.

A: If it requires a condom to use a phone then they blow it too.

B: It is a condom with apple logo on it!! This is a magical device, don't compare it to other dumb phones.

A: Well, at least those are phones, which you can call people with it. Don't you have any friends you want to keep in touch all the time?

B: Only dumb phone users will call people. iPhone users like me only require a StarBuck with free wifi spot so we can show people how beautiful interface and the phone is while we pointlessly navigating though websites that we don't care about. That makes me feel cool and unique.

A: You are crazy

B: At least I am crazy with an iPhone 4. Now I need to go to apple store to Pre-order the White iphone 4, since Mr.Job post it on the conference today. I HAVE TO HAVE IT